All too often we hear people talk about how "savage" they are or become. Or how we shouldn't let our circumstances allow us to feel "some type of way" because other people (seemingly) have it worse. Damn, we have even started hiding behind positive thinking when approached by what we are really feeling. Why do we continue to BLOCK what is naturally happening within? Our inner worlds run a lot more smooth when just chill and allow the FLOW to do what it does.
Smh- can't get right. LOL.
What do we really believe will happen if we stand fully in that sea of whatever undesirable feeling that shows up? <Hell, I'm asking myself this question too> Maybe different answers come with different feelings, circumstances, our experiences and expertise with them. With over 10 years of doing my own healing work and examining my beliefs, patterns/behaviors, shadow self, passions, triggers, wounds- I have become more in tune with the cycles of my FLOW. I credit this to being able to get out of my head and sit with what I am experiencing internally. I had (and at times HAVE) to learn to drown out what I have been taught by society (from spiritual to non-spiritual folks) about what it means to feel those "lesser" emotions. You be surprised at what information about yourself these "energies in motion" (Emotions) bring forth.
Here's more of a personal scenario:
<In the thick of grieving my mother about 3 years after she died>
*Can you help me? <in tears>
*Yes, whats going on?
*Everyone is gone (kids at school, their father was at work), it's just me. I haven't found a job yet..... I just FEEL like I can't go on.
*Ahhh, I see. What is it to FEEL like you can't go on? What are you NOT allowing yourself to FEEL? What anger do you feel you don't have a right to have?
Da fuck? The first couple seconds of that call was phenomenal. I don't even remember how the rest of the conversation went. I know it wasn't a long one because after that, nothing else needed to be said. "What is it to FEEL like you can't go on?" What?! LOL! That response was mind bending, spirit lifting and completely snapped me out of the abyss I felt myself falling into (or coming up in me) in that moment. It resonated with every cell in my body. It put me at the control panel of that experience. It assured me that I would be OK and most importantly that I had the CAPACITY to endure my inner situation. It made me question what price I believed I had to pay to experience it. It later dawned on me that I had such an attachment to my mother that I believed her dying would somehow kill me too. Or, that I would not know how to survive on this Earth plane without her. Is that true? Obviously not- I am here, I am happy and I am whole. Does this mean that I am done grieving- NO.
Grief has gotten such a bad rap. People would attempt to shut any mention of it down when I would speak on it. We have such a "stay strong" collective mentality. This blocks us from being in the FLOW. At this point I can feel when its time to do some more grief work. It now excites me because I know that when it is time to step out of that process for a while- there will be many new, bright and shiny things, situations and people waiting on me on the other side. Little does the "stay strong" collective know- completely breaking open is how room is made for more. I learned that we typically harden our hearts just to keep them from breaking. Hardened hearts crack, crumble and its surely more challenging to let love in or out with those kinds. But our hearts in their purest states are malleable, fleshy, feather-like, SPARKLING, compliant and faithfully beating.
Let me fill y'all in on two things that became clear to me yesterday about doing this work.
1. Grieving is activating the FLOW (your Life Force, your Magic, your connection to your Ancestors, your ability to SEE, your SENSUAL nature, etc.) within- Imagine that you beginning to do your work is you busting down all the walls and blockages you placed around your heart. Then after that, all your tears begin to give you more clear inner vision. Imagine that every time you weep you are re-birthing yourself and cleansing your soul. Know that when you simply sit with what you truly feel and SEE yourself through it- you are truly LOVING you. What a freakin' power UP! If this doesn't make it all worth it, not to mention there are things I didn't mention, I don't know what does!
2. When I allow myself to FEEL I am surrendering to the process- This means I am more present in what IS. Being in the NOW helps move us more into acceptance. We all have our levels of resistance. I tend to be one that don't deal too well with pain and I pride myself on being a good student, soooooo, I'm cool on gettin' my lil' booty spanked by Life. No thanks. To make it more clear, when we don't let go (grieve) we get dragged and/or the same energy keeps showing up until we get it. Look at it like this: surrendering to the process is floating down the stream while trusting it is taking you where you need to go instead of swimming against it and being tossed and thrown and pulled under.
Now, what is it to FEEL what you are feeling? What do you feel will happen or not once you allow it to start passing through your being? What price do you believe you'll pay for feeling it?
May the FLOW be unblocked, rejuvenating and pure within you.